F Talk About It Tuesday: The Father I Never Knew ~ Critique of the Unique

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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Talk About It Tuesday: The Father I Never Knew

 Talk About It Tuesday
I met my father by accident.

He was sitting at the kitchen table visiting my best friend's mother. He looked like Willie Nelson with his long hair braided into one long braid that traveled down his back.

My friend's mother asked: "Do you know who this is?"  I shrugged my shoulders.  He didn't look familiar. Before she could explain who this man was, he volunteered. "I'm your daddy", he said proudly.

My daddy. I had never in my life used the term "daddy" to describe anyone, and yet here in front of me, this man claimed the title. I didn't know quite what to do with this information. After all, it had been sixteen years since my mother and him divorced shortly after I was born. He held out his arms for a hug.. an expected hug.

I leaned over and loosely hugged him. I can't even remember the conversation we had after that. I just know it didn't explain
where he had been all my life.

The doorbell rang. It was our prom dates. Time to go. I said "nice to meet you" to the man I had just met and left, with my address in his hand. Later in the evening, I excitedly told my mom all about prom, with a side note of "oh, by the way, I met my dad today". This is is how it started. The sporadic conversations with my mother's first husband.

He wrote one letter. I responded with the typical confusion of a child. I wanted to hate him for not being there for me, but I wanted to love him also. Most of all, I wanted him to love me.

I didn't hear from him again until I was marrying my first husband. My sister invited him and his wife and her sons to be there. I laughed aloud when she told me he was coming from Carolina to Arkansas to give me away at my wedding. My mother laughed too, and although she had never spoken any bad words about my father, I could tell the thought of seeing him again after such long time, made her nervous.

It was the wedding rehearsal day when I got the phone call. "I'm at the gas station, how do I get to your house?" I handed the phone to my mother. "I think it's dad", I whispered. She did not want to talk to him. I could not believe he was actually here, in my town, where I lived. But he was, and he did indeed give me away at my wedding. We didn't talk much throughout the whole ordeal, basically because I had no idea what to say to him. It had been three years since our first meeting and since my outburst in the letter I had sent him. Deep down, I was happy he was there. I felt validated with my dad at my wedding, and although I didn't tell him then, it truly meant the world to me.

He keeps this strange pattern of contacting me when I least expect it. Sometimes it is a year, or sometimes it is five years. Once, he called on my birthday. I didn't even know he knew the date, and my sister later confessed that she had called and told him. But it didn't make a difference, he didn't have to call, yet he did. I know this is who he is--this man that had two children with a woman when he was young. A man who had not been very responsible, who had made bad choices and who put his friends before his family. It was his lifestyle back then and it took me years to realize how hard he was trying to mend things between us.

You see, I could continue to be angry with him and probe him for answers, but there are no answers. There are simply circumstances. I am okay with that. I don't fault him and although I know my life would have been different with a regular dad around, I am not going to assume it would have been better. I am not going to assume I would have been "daddy's girl" or his "little princess".  Sometimes you are just lucky to have a dad.

The last time I seen my dad was when he was visiting his family in the town I grew up. It just so happened I was there visiting my family as well. I had remarried and therefore was able to introduce him to my husband and his two grandchildren. We talked...about the weather and other small tidbits. Nothing too emotional. I met his sisters and his mother. We took pictures. We ate dinner. We said goodbye. That was about seven years ago.

My sister writes him once in awhile and sometimes he will call her in return and promise to come up in the warmer months to visit. He hasn't yet, but then again, he always does things when I least expect it. I'm not giving up on him. After all, he's my daddy.

My parents on their wedding day


Hi Hazel,
I was really moved by your story. I hope one day your daddy will be closer to you and could visit your more often..
Many thanks for sharing that.

I'm a follower from FMBT, please follow me back when you've got time:o)

It's my design blog.

Best wishes,

I had a similar relationship with my father. The last time I spoke with him, there had been a 24 year gap. He had not been a nice husband to my mother, nor had he been any semblance of a father to my brother and I. In our last conversation he said he thought I was mad at him. I somehow knew that it would be the last time I would speak to him and that he needed my forgiveness. I told him I wasn't mad and we ended the conversation with me promising to send him pictures of my daughters ~ grandchildren he had never met. He died 4 months later. At the point of our conversation, I was over any real emotional attachment to him but I was glad I was able to give him some kind of peace before he died.

It's really hard to feel close to someone when they haven't bee part of your life on a continual basis. Accepting someone for who they are is difficult sometimes. Especially if it's a parent. Unconditional love is such a gift and when you haven't had that demonstrated on a daily basis, it can be a block that is emotionally trying.

Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday Train. I love the layout of the blog. Have a great week! The button can be found on my sidebar for next week.

This post was very touching and I certainly feel your resignation of a relationship that may never be what you want, but that at least it's a relationship of sorts. I noticed that when you met your Dad's family you called your grandma "his mother" and you called your aunts "his sisters". Maybe your own children will have more than you had and I know that will make you happy.


Thanks for following me through FMBT. Wow. Your story here is so touching. While my relationship with my biological dad is a little less strained, I definitely can feel where you are coming from. I've sent that outburst letter to mine before, and know how difficult it can be to send.

Thanks for the follow.

Jules~ Making My Twenties Count


Thanks for stopping by my blog makeupthoughts.blogspot.com ...I am now following you back:))) You have a lovely blog:))


Hi Hazel!

Thank you for following me. I am following you back. I had a strange relationship with my father as well. He died in May 2008. I was happy that I had resolved my issues with him before he passed away.

Love and blessings!

what a great blog : ) Great story too...I stared deeply at the pc until done lol! Glad you got your father in your life...no reason to give up!

(thanks for stopping by my blog...hope you got to enter the giveaway!!!)

I loved your story. It was very touching! I can't imagine having a relationship like that with my dad because he was a great dad. But I love the outlook you have on this situation. People always assume is would be better if the situation were different,and although you deserved a different relationship but when looking at the relationship with him it's better the way it is! Amazing post.

I am following you now too!

Wow! What a story. I am following you now.
I remember when I was little, I met my father after my parents divorce and I didn't recognize him. Your story takes that to a whole new level.
My father looks a little like Willie Nelson too!

Thank you for stopping by and for your follow. I'm here returning same. Wow, What a story. My daughter met her dad in a similar way, but that's another story. I think maybe your dad should have offered his story to you as far as where he's been while you were growing up, but I wish you much luck with that. I've always taught my kids wrong or right blood is blood. Have a great day! Now to browse your blog here.

Hi...your story moved me as well. I've never met or known my real dad. My mom and I called the man that she says is my dad when I was about 14. Said he was going on a business trip and would stop through to see me. Never showed up. Years later, my mom made a comment that my dad could be another guy she dated at that time...she was 20 when she had me. So, yeah...never met either one, and don't really know which is my real father. I've thought about going on the Maury Show with both of them and doing a DNA test. LOL But, I'm 46 now, and I know that at least one of them is in his 70's...don't want to give him a heart attack. tee hee

Thanks for stopping by and following from FMBT! I'm returning the "follow" luv!

I am following you back thanks for the follow.

Thanks for following us! Following you back! :)

Thank You for sharing your story!!!

My dad committed suicide when I was 7. I am still CONFUSED why he did that.

Thank You for sharing your story!!!

My dad committed suicide when I was 7. I am still CONFUSED why he did that.


I am most certain the situation you endured when you were seven years old was difficult to understand. I am sorry you lost your father under such circumstances.

There are many types of support groups for people who have experienced the loss of a loved one due to suicide. Some online venues include:





I supply these links for information purposes only, but do hope you find some comfort from your confusion.

Thanks for taking time to reply, and this goes to everyone!


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